Cure or Curse?
by BrDPirateMan
Summary: Neku has fallen sick and his friends decide to pay him a visit, bringing along their so-called miracle cures. With them, however, it's more like a curse than a blessing...


**Cure or Curse?  
><strong>by BrDPirateMan

It was times like these when Neku wished he had an invincible immune system.

He had fallen sick, and was down with a bad cold which gradually developed to include the usual runny nose, sore throat and mind-numbing headache. Excused from classes, he was allowed to rest at home, but his cold was so bad that he couldn't come to school for three days and counting. That got his friends worried.

"He sure is taking his time getting better," sighed Eri, a fashionable girl who was part of Neku's little circle of friends.

"Well," said Rhyme, "he _is_ ill, you know."

Her brother, Beat, who had an affinity for street slang, just scratched his head like the simple-minded person he was and gave his say on the matter, "Eh, it's flu season, yo. Would be surprised if he _don't_ catch it."

"In any case," said a bespectacled girl named Shiki, "he's missed a lot of classes, and the teachers entrusted me to pass him the latest handouts, so I'm gonna head over to his house soon enough."

Ever the bright and preppy one, Eri piped up with a giggle, "Why don't the whole lot of us all pay him a visit? It'll be fun."

"That's not a bad idea," agreed Rhyme, "though there are two things I'm concerned about: one, I'm not really sure he wants to be disturbed, and two, I doubt it'll be fun for him."

"But we gonna give 'im the handouts, yo," countered Beat, "so whatever, it works, right?"

"I just hope it's okay for him."

"Then it's settled! We'll pop by his place later this afternoon." Eri was the most persuasive of this bunch of lovable stooges and was always the one to decide things for everyone in a flash… Whether the consequences of such rash decision-making were good or bad, well, for her she could always deal with them later. The _now_ was most important, right?

Shiki threw a slightly dark glance at her. "You'd better be serious about this."

The unnerving grin that broke out on Eri's pretty face had serious suggestions at mischief. "Of course I'm serious… If it's for my darling Neku, then of course I'm serious." It was unclear if Eri harboured a crush on him, but one thing was for sure and it was that she enjoyed teasing him. A lot. So much that it irked Shiki.

"He's not your darling. Geez."

"Oho… Do I sense jealousy brewing already?"

Shiki just rolled her eyes to the heavens while the Bito siblings watched the exchange between the two best gal pals in amusement. "Think what you want. Now, if everyone's really tagging along then take note that I intend to go to Neku's at 4 pm. So make sure you get there on time."

"Yes ma'am!"

Shiki could have just gone straight to Neku's home right after school, but chose to do it later. The boy she was in love with – it was hardly a secret by now – was terribly ill, and she wanted to do something to make him feel better, so she needed some time.

Little did she know, her three other friends were also planning to concoct their own miracle cures…

And if Neku knew what they were up to, he would have barred them from setting foot inside his house. Oh, the horrors he would soon face…

XOXOXOXOXO

Shiki, Eri, Beat and Rhyme were Neku's closest friends. They did everything together: having lunch, hanging out, and having a good time. True to their personal code of comradeship, the aforementioned four pals came as a group to his house.

Here they were in his room at 4 pm sharp, standing before him at the foot of his bed. Each person was carrying something they brought from home as a remedy for his cold. But Neku couldn't help but feel dread eating away at him.

They were here to help, but in his eyes, somehow they looked more like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Through his slightly blurry vision, he fancied that they even bore the same colours as their deathly counterparts.

He sat up to greet them, but his throat was hoarse and the words came out raspy. "H-Hello… Thank you for… coming."

Beat expressed mild shock upon hearing his strained voice. "Dude, you sound like an old man."

"Are you okay?" asked Shiki. "We got you the handouts for the classes you missed."

Neku went into a fit of intense coughing, making his friends wince, before he said in his crocodile voice, "Much… appreciated. Please leave them on my table."

As Shiki did so, Eri piped up, "We're sick of seeing you sick, Neku. Hurry up and try our homemade medicine! With four of us here, one of ours should work."

Rhyme couldn't help but laugh at the cheery carefree way she looked at life. "Eri, that's not the most appropriate thing to say." Neku, with his blocked nose and itchy throat, failed to see the humour in it. He didn't mind his friends, but he wanted to rest.

"I get it," he groaned. "Thanks for these. I'll try them afterwards, so I guess I'll see you soon –"

Beat didn't take it too kindly, and neither did the others. "Whatchu sayin, yo? ! We only just came here, an' now you chasin' us out? !"

"Look… I really am grateful for all this, but I'm tired and I need to sleep."

Shiki knew he meant no ill, so she was sympathetic. "Neku has a point… let's just leave our stuff and go. He needs his rest."

"Well," huffed Eri, "I say it's still rude to kick your friends out when they've taken the trouble to come all the way to your house. Besides…" She broke into a cheeky grin. "…it'd be fun to see how our self-made cures work on him…"

Almost right away, Neku felt even worse than he should. "Are you forcing me to eat your voodoo medicine? !"

"Even when you're sick, your sarcasm never loses its bite, I can see…"

Beat gave a roar of impatience. "Ah, to hell with all the talkin'! Le's just get this over with, yo. You don't know till you try, Phones, so go on and eat!" He shoved his lunchbox into Neku's face, to which the latter cringed.

Clearing his throat, Neku struggled with his sore throat and spoke slowly, "Okay, I know you're concerned about me, but…"

"But what, yo? !"

"…receiving lunchboxes from a guy is just wrong no matter how you look at it!"

Everyone sighed in exasperation at his reluctance, and Beat, not one to hide his annoyance, practically yelled, "Oi! You musta got some kinda softness in yo' head to think like that, yo! I don't swing that way, you idiot! Why, do you? !"

Neku choked on his own saliva and regressed into another violent bout of coughing as he struggled to answer his question quickly. "O-Of course not!"

"Good! Leas' that's settled. Now shut up, suck it up and eat it or I'll whack you stupid!"

"Neku… you're really old-fashioned," said Eri with a slight chuckle. "Guys can give each other gifts too."

Shiki gave an uncomfortable "ahem". "L-Let's not make things more complicated than they already are."

The bedridden sick boy just made a half-scowl at everyone – hard to do when you're sick – and hesitantly opened Beat's special lunch. As he pried the lid open – very very slowly he did it – he tried to imagine what sort of inedible mess awaited him inside… octopus and liver braised with mustard, perhaps? He had no idea if this skater friend of his was a good cook, though he certainly hoped so. His life was at stake…

When the lid was finally pulled away, he was greeted by an amazing sight. A delectable spread of chicken chunks and mixed vegetables, cooked in a dark orange oily gravy, lay tucked amongst a generous helping of rice within the confines of the lunchbox. Even though his blocked nose rendered him unable to smell, he could clearly see that the food looked delicious. Certainly kudos had to go to Beat. Everyone else stared in admiration and… hunger and longing.

Neku was actually awestruck. "Didn't know you were a chef, Beat."

"Heh heh! Tha's my secret talent, man!"

Rhyme nodded to back up her brother's claim. "It's true. Beat's always been one to cook good food."

"Just smelling it makes me feel hungry all of a sudden," said Eri, in her usual teasing manner. "Maybe Neku could feed some to me; that'd be nice. Hee hee."

"You're disgusting," Shiki said bluntly.

"Relax! I don't steal people's husbands."

The pink-haired joker giggled like a naughty child as she watched Shiki's face turn beet-red along with Neku's. Even though these two weren't going out, it was painfully obvious they had a thing for each other, and confirming this with her own eyes was a source of glee for her.

Rhyme observed Neku's rapidly rising – and visible – body temperature with alarm. "Eri, that's not the kind of thing to say in front of someone with a fever. Seriously, he's boiling. I can see steam coming off of his forehead."

Our unfortunate hero with the terrible cold gave a strangled groan. Having to deal with this bunch of screwball pals on a daily basis could be such a pain at times, but now that he was ill and vulnerable, the feeling of annoyance only grew a lot greater. "If everyone doesn't mind, could you please let me eat now? !"

Now that the chaos had finally died down, he was free to sample this fine example of Bito cuisine. He scooped up some of it in a spoon and brought it to his mouth. And while he may not have been in a mood to eat earlier as a result of his sickness, now he was actually salivating, having to gulp down saliva by the bucketful.

_Here goes nothing_, he thought, and he took a bite.

He expected an amazing taste to spread throughout and revitalize his numbed taste buds, but what he got was something else. Not exactly the opposite of what he thought, but it would have been more enjoyable if it wasn't so…

"HOT!" he yelled, breathing fire from his mouth and nostrils. "It's too spicy! Water!"

Everyone panicked. Beat, startled, sprung into his famous contortionist pose. Neku hurriedly grabbed the water bottle sitting on the bedside table and promptly guzzled the whole thing down.

With smoke billowing from every orifice on his head, he demanded, "Beat! What the heck did you give me? ! It's way too spicy! You almost freaking killed me!"

"But, yo, curry is good for you!" reasoned Beat. "I heard from somewhere that spices can kill germs an' all, y'know? And lotsa other great things."

Eri chided him, smacking him on the head, "You don't give curry to a person who has a sore throat! You dummy!"

Shiki was pawing Neku's back to help with his terrible coughing. "Neku, do you need more water? ! We'll get some for you!"

"Wait!" cried Rhyme. She jiggled the Thermos flask she was holding in her hands. "Neku, take this instead. It's an energy drink that I made to help you heal up faster! It's flavoured, so it should cancel out the spiciness."

"Okay, whatever works," panted Neku, taking the flask from her and pouring himself a portion onto the cup. One look at the lumpy, murky, olive-green liquid was enough to put him off any day. Just what in the world was this, rat poison? Nevertheless, his flaming tongue was in dire need of being put out, and his water had run out.

_Here goes nothing… again._

In one swift motion, he downed the energy drink, or so it was dubiously claimed to be. Bottoms up.

Like Rhyme predicted, the biting hotness in his mouth was gone.

But now… he had the urge to throw up. Never in his life had he ever tasted anything so vile. The taste was akin to a cross between grass and cardboard. It was bitter and salty all at the same time, and there was the slightest hint of sourness. He could very well lose consciousness, and he was fighting to stay awake and alive.

His friends noticed how stiff his body had become and quickly became even more worried. Eri poked him in the forehead but the only response she got was him tipping over backwards and banging his skull against the bedhead.

"Wh-What's happening? !" she breathed. "Rhyme, what was in that energy drink you made for him?"

Rhyme was cautious in her answer as she didn't want to suffer the sort of backlash her brother took for his fiery cooking. "Um, well… various things… snake bile, for one, and…"

Unfortunately, Neku was not unconscious after all, and having heard her utter the name of that one ingredient from hell, he began to feel truly sick. His hand immediately clasped itself over his mouth, and he was close to retching. All around him an aura of darkness gathered…

But Rhyme was somehow oblivious to his impending doom, and continued to say out the rest of the ingredients of her energy drink, none of which were close to palatable. And in so doing she made the situation worse and worse. "…and durian juice, and ground hibiscus leaves, and I brewed the whole thing with bee innards, I think… they say bee essence can help fight colds… and…"

Shiki gaped in shock. "What the…? ! Are you some kind of witch doctor? !"

Beat took one look at Neku and recoiled. "Dude! Yo, he's gonna blow!"

Indeed, if his off-green face didn't already tell everyone that he was about to hurl, nothing would.

A rapidly panicking Shiki was flailing her arms like a windmill. "Somebody get a bucket for him or something!"

"There's no time!" screamed Eri. "At a time like this, the only way to stop him is to distract him, and I can only think of one way to do that…"

"Eri? What's your – wait, what are you do–? !"

"Neku! Quick, look over here!"

He directed his dead fish eyes from the ceiling he was staring at to his friends, specifically Eri who had called him. Almost immediately he noticed that Eri was holding up Shiki's skirt, and the latter's underwear was visible for all to see. Her plan was to distract him into forgetting to puke, and surprisingly, it worked out just fine.

But it had the side-effect of making his fever worse and giving him a nosebleed on top of all that. Blood dribbled down his nose.

Beat and Rhyme just stared in shock as Shiki hurriedly smoothed down her skirt and scolded Eri, "What were you thinking? ! You exposed me to him!"

However, the fashionable one merely shrugged. "Uh, well, you know what they say… Laughter is the best medicine."

"That has nothing to do with laughter at all! ! !"

XOXOXOXOXO

"I can't believe we just got kicked out of his house by Shiki," sighed Eri as she was walking down the streets together with Beat and Rhyme. "It's not like she owns the place. But I guess the husband and wife do need their alone time together."

"N-No," corrected Rhyme, "it's more like we were all such a bother to Neku. And you had to flash Shiki's panties to him too. Seriously, you do some stupid things sometimes…"

"It's not stupid! Besides, if Neku's happy, then he'll get better, right?"

"There's no reasoning with you, so I'll stop talking now…"

Beat asked the two girls an awkward question, "How come Phones can't stand spices, yo? Normally he can eat curry just fine."

Eri rolled her eyes skyward. "Because he's sick, you moron! Geez!"

Rhyme gave a disappointed sigh and remarked, "Curry is one thing, but… maybe I really should have used less ingredients in my energy drink…"

Her brother asked curiously, "What other things you put in it, yo?"

The younger Bito sibling started rattling off the various ingredients used to concoct her deadly medicine, innocently counting them off on her fingers as she did so. "Um, let's see, I remember using carrots, tomatoes, wheatgrass, spirulina…"

Eri gulped to herself, _That sure is an awfully long list of stuff to put into a drink… W-Will Neku be alright?_

"…mashed sardine bones for extra calcium, lemon zest to counteract the bitterness and to provide a little vitamin C… and even the legendary 'Hayate' mushroom! It was hard to find, but the herbal store around here stocks them, so it's all good." She gave a triumphant giggle, but was cut short by Eri's urgent screaming voice.

"Rhyme? ! You… You actually used 'Hayate' mushrooms? !"

"Yeah, why? It's supposed to be really good. It boosts your blood circulation, increases stamina and mental awareness, and even provides special minerals like zinc… Sounds great, huh?"

Eri grew red in the face and blasted her with a shocking revelation: "You idiot! The 'Hayate' mushroom does all those things because it's an _aphrodisiac_! Incidentally, zinc boosts the production of spe– uh, I mean it boosts male health!"

Rhyme's face was frozen in a stunned expression, the kind of face you make when you realize that you've just made a big mistake. "An… An… Are you… sure?"

"You just mixed a freaking aphrodisiac into Neku's drink! I don't believe it!"

"…Uh-oh."

"Don't 'uh-oh' me! Do you realize what's happening? ! Neku's a teenage guy with raging hormones, and he's alone in the same room with Shiki! Her presence alone would cause him to overheat, and maybe he might even die! Plus… what if… what if, controlled by his urges, he does something to Shiki…"

A pallor washed over Rhyme's normally calm face. Eri could say some outlandish things, but this was one of those times where she actually made sense.

"Th-Then we'd better save her!" she stammered.

"I'm with you," agreed Eri, "so let's go back to his house! Chop chop!"

Beat stopped them, however. "Wait!"

"What is it? ! Can't you see we're in a hurry? !"

"Yeah, but, um… you guys are makin' no sense. What's an afro-dee-see-ack?"

XOXOXOXOXO

"I'm sorry you had to see that," said a thoroughly embarrassed Shiki.

Neku was quick to return her apology. "No, ah, well, I'm sorry too… Anyway, I didn't see all that much in the first place." Which wasn't true because he clearly saw that her panties were as white as his lie.

"You'll have to forgive Eri. Sometimes she's so senseless… But I'll be sure to give her a good beating – I mean, talking-to afterwards."

Unknown to both of them, the aphrodisiac component in Rhyme's special energy drink was starting to take effect. Even though Neku was unaware of it, what he _was_ aware of was that Shiki was beginning to look cuter by the second… goodness knows why.

"Well, Neku, I wouldn't stay long because you need to rest, so let me at least tell you about what I've got for you. Nothing to worry about, though…" She produced a lunchbox from her little bag.

Neku started to feel very strange. His body was growing warmer, his vision was blurring, and his head was spinning. But because he was already sick to begin with, he thought it was all just part of his cold.

A sudden spell of giddiness took over him, and he had to brace his head in one hand. Shiki heard his pained groans and quickly went over to his side, leaning in to take a closer look at his face.

"Neku! Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"Ugh… nothing to be too worried about. Just a bit of –"

She was still standing in a leaning position to look at him, as she was bent over, the collar of her shirt drooped a little and he could just about see her cleavage peeking through… like it was winking at him… enticing him…

A burst of energy zipped throughout his body. Twice. At the speed of light. Yes, he was having a hard time controlling himself.

"You poor thing." Unaware of what he was feeling or seeing, Shiki just shook her head sympathetically. "You're really under the weather. And more seriously than I thought."

"Uh… yeah," he gulped. "Underwear – I mean, under the weather."

"Whoa, you're heating up real quick! Here, let me see…"

She touched her forehead against his in an innocent attempt to gauge how bad his fever was. But in so doing, their faces were now very close to each other, and Neku thought he felt something jolt like a jackhammer inside his body. Her warm breath billowed against his cheeks, and it was such a blissful thing to enjoy. Meanwhile, however, his inner primal urges just got worse.

"You seem to be heating up a lot, Neku," said Shiki with a frown. "Are you sure you're not getting worse?"

Physically, he was in a terrible state, and the Bito siblings were responsible for that in a big way. Mentally, however, he was floating in a utopia. The girl of his dreams was here, alone in his room, tending to him and caring for him like a maid! Not that he saw her as a potential slave or anything, but… this was great. What more could he ask for?

Wait, maid…?

In an instant, even if it was just a fleeting moment, he thought he saw Shiki dressed in a maid's outfit, complete with puffy dress, frilly headband and – gasp! – a pair of kinky suspenders. She turned to him with a seductive wink in her eye, as the room glowed pink and turned all sparkly. "What would you like for dinner, master?"

This was so ridiculous that he had to shake his head to clear it, a bad idea because of a mind-numbing headache.

"Neku? Neku!" she could be heard repeating again and again. "Goodness, you must really want to rest for you to not respond to my question like that."

He coughed painfully. "S-Sorry, Shiki. I… didn't hear you all that well. My hearing is so fuzzy now, I might as well be deaf. Please can you repeat what you wanted to say?"

Her real voice couldn't reach him. Her imaginary one, however, connected. "Are you in the mood for me, master?"

Neku spluttered, hacking and choking. "Wh-What? !"

"Wh-What's with that outburst? !" Shiki said in puzzlement. "I was just asking whether you're in the mood to eat, 'cause I've made some onigiri (rice balls) and I can, well, feed you if you like. Yeah, it's weird, I know, but –"

No more. After that last sentence, everything she said faded into a blur. The silly pink glow returned to his room, and she was back in her maid outfit again, complete with shimmer and rose petals falling all around her. It was almost like a scene from a manga. In addition to that, he thought he heard her say, "Master, let me feed you, and then…"

In a flash, her clothes disappeared, and she was left in her underwear, crooked into a catgirl pose and moaning, "…after dinner is over, you're free to eat me with your eyes…"

Neku could feel all the water in his body evaporating away just from that little slice of heaven. Oh sure he was hungry… really hungry now that she was offering herself as the main course!

_Argh, focus!_ he scolded himself, getting a rare grip on reality. _This is bad… I don't know what's happening but I'm definitely hallucinating. Somehow I am. And I can't stop it!_

He was afraid that if he didn't send her away quickly, he might do something that would embarrass them both and/or put the two of them in a horribly clichéd sexy situation. It was rude, he knew, to coax guests out of the house so early, but his sanity was diminishing by the second. Shiki was pure and the perfect example of a wonderful girl; he didn't want to sully her with his own dirty hands!

"Shiki, uh… I'm fine, I can handle things myself… but I do need to rest…" Hopefully she would get the message and leave him alone.

She nodded in understanding, much to his relief. "I thought as much. I'll bet you're all the more tired after the nonsense you had to deal with from our friends. Ha ha!"

A small smile from him sufficed as a suitable reply to her gentle laughter; it was too painful to laugh with a sore throat. "I'm cool with them the way they are, but today's not the best of days to put up with their antics."

One final chuckle and she was ready to leave, her hand on the doorknob. "Well, I hope you get better soon."

"Yeah… thanks for everything. You've been a big help with the handouts and all, and I appreciate it."

Shiki smiled warmly, her cheeks glowing ever so slightly. "For you, Neku… I'd be glad to do anything."

Suddenly, just as things were starting to get normal and smooth for the poor boy, his wild imaginative powers kicked in again. Those last few words that Shiki had said were filled with such care and genuineness that he became incredibly moved… so moved that the whole room reverted to its fuzzy pink hue _yet again_, with Shiki herself wearing her maid outfit once more, surrounded by blooming roses and lots of flying petals.

And what she said echoed in his head.

_For you, Neku… I'd be glad to do anything._

_Anything…  
><em>_Anything…  
><em>_Anything…_

Anything at all? Anything? ! The first thing that came to mind, no thanks to the aphrodisiac now raging through his bloodstream, was her stripping to her underwear, lying full-length along his body, and feeding him grapes. She could do even that for him? ! That was great! The girl of his dreams wearing nothing but lace and straps… splendid! But in the meantime…

The Shiki in the real world noticed how he was gasping excitedly like a maniac and she grew markedly worried again. "Neku! What's wrong now? You're hyperventilating!"

Whatever shred of sanity he had left in him spurred him to quickly splutter, "Shiki, I'm fine. But hurry, you gotta… get out… now!" He needed her out of the way for his own safety as well as hers.

But she didn't leave. With her alarm now intermingled with confusion, she strode over to check up on him. "What're you talking about? Let me have a look at – _waagh!_"

As she was walking over to the side of his bed, the unthinkable happened. Her feet got caught in each other and she lost balance. She teetered on her knotted feet for a bit before taking the inevitable plunge downwards… towards the wall.

Oh no! She was going to hit her pretty head against the wall behind the bedhead! Neku panicked. However, even during this crucial moment, a great multitude of conflicting thoughts were doing battle with each other inside his mind, again attributable to the stupid scourge of an aphrodisiac.

Time slowed to a crawl. All in the space of several milliseconds, his many thoughts were as follows:

_Shiki is falling! She's going to fall, and she's close enough for her head to hit the wall behind me! I can't let that happen!_

_I should stop her from falling, but… how do I do it… Argh… she's so cute, I should quickly wrap my arms around her waist and pull her down towards the bed… and me. She'll be safe from the impact, and I can feel up her delicate body as much as I can while she's still dazed!_

_No! I can't do that… that's too lecherous of me. I'll just grab her by the shoulders, I can do that much at least. What am I thinking, wanting to do weird things to her at a time like this…_

_But… But if I don't use my "stealthy caress" approach, I may never get a chance to do it ever again. I'm sure that she must feel very nice… Underneath her clothes she must be hiding a wonder of a body… What's more, if I did that, she might reciprocate and start to have feelings for me, and… and…_

_Now come on, that's ridiculous! I could never do such a thing to a sweet girl like her. She's my angel. Touching is one of those things that should come naturally, with time. Yes, that's right. That's how it is supposed to be. First I should ask her out on innocent dates, and then after that, when our feelings are fully realized, we can hug and kiss, and then when we're married, that's when we can –_

_Oh shoot! She's still falling! I gotta do something! What the heck am I doing! No time to think! Just… gotta… hold onto her –_

Neku summoned all of his strength to galvanise his soggy tired muscles into action. He squeezed his eyes shut because he was so scared that something bad might really happen. But he managed to outstretch his arms, hoping to catch Shiki in mid-fall and save her.

And it worked! He did just that. He saved her. The crisis was averted.

_I've done it!_ he thought to himself, relieved. _Shiki's safe! I'm so glad. Surely I must look even better in her eyes now. Yes… the dashing prince who'd risk his health to save –_

"…Neku."

His high-spirited thoughts vanished in a cloud of smoke. "Huh?" Why didn't Shiki sound… happy?

"Your hands."

"My… hands?"

He opened his eyes, and whatever dreams he may have had about Shiki liking him better shattered like brittle glass.

Thanks to him, Shiki was indeed safe. He was holding her delicate frame and keeping her balance right and steady.

But because his eyes were shut, he didn't see where he was going to hold her as he saved her. His hands were now – well, to use a fitting analogy – in the process of picking coconuts… the fleshy type.

Shiki was livid and trembling in fury. What girl wouldn't be if you started groping her chest? What Neku was doing was totally accidental, of course, but accidental or not, groping was still groping.

But the feeling in his fingertips was amazing – so this was how the "assets" of his favourite gal pal felt like! – and he had one word to sum it up.

_M-Marshmallows…_

"Neku…" hissed Shiki angrily, still stuck in her precarious position. "L-Let go… of my breasts. And stop… that nosebleed."

"I… yeah… um – "

Just then, the door of his room swung open with a bang, and in poured a trio of unwelcome guests like a company of troops.

"I'm so sorry for everything!" Rhyme cried out. "It's my fault, I wasn't careful!"

"Booyah!" hollered Beat, too loudly. "Shiki, we here to save you, yo! Don't go panickin'!"

Eri charged in recklessly, going headfirst into the room to scoop her best friend to safety. "Shiki, don't underestimate Neku! He may be ill right now, but you never know what he's still capable of – "

The three friends had marched in to rescue Shiki from a terrible – if imaginary – fate where her modesty would be outraged or worse. When they saw Neku with both of his hands cupping her entire chest, however, their fears were realized. He wanted to pry his hands away in a hurry, to deny to everyone that he didn't mean any harm, but his sickness made his muscles less responsive than normal, and he couldn't budge.

They all knew Neku and Shiki were sort of an unofficial couple but nobody would have thought that he would do something like this before they had even started going out for real. They were seriously outraged.

And things just went downhill from there.

Beat, always overprotective of her little sister, hurriedly smothered her eyes with his hand, sparing her from the terribly lewd sight, but Rhyme had seen everything anyway. She was blushing heavily while trying to decipher what the meaning behind this scene might be. Was this the precursor of things to come? …Adult things? ! Her mind couldn't take it.

Eri was angry at Neku for obvious reasons. "Neku, just what the heck are you up to? !"

"Wait!" he pleaded. "I can explain everything!" Unfortunately, he _still_ couldn't will his hands to move, making his would-be apology worthless.

Before she could step forward to punch the stuffing out of him, Shiki stopped her gal pal in her tracks. "Hang on."

Eri could only stare at her in confusion as Shiki flashed a small ambiguous smile at Neku, pushing his hands away very gently. It could be a sign of forgiveness, or it could be the kind of smile you gave to someone before you kill them.

How he wished it was the former.

The next thing he knew, however, she had grabbed his head in both hands and kneed him hard in the face, startling everyone… except Rhyme, who couldn't see. No one would have known that Shiki knew some karate, least of all Neku. At least now they knew not to step on her tail.

It was a good thing Beat still had his hand over Rhyme's eyes. The young girl heard something similar to a crunch, but didn't know what it could be. Perhaps it was better she didn't know.

Neku was rendered unconscious, his face bashed well in. With a huff, a satisfied Shiki turned on her heel and walked out of the room. "Hmph. C'mon, guys, we've been here long enough."

"Y-Yeah…"

Everyone followed her out in silence, leaving Neku to rest in peace… uh, peacefully.

XOXOXOXOXO

In the end, Neku's friends made him feel even sicker than ever. Initially he was suffering from the Neapolitan set of symptoms: running nose, sore throat, and a fever. After his friends came to visit him and wish him to get well, his health ironically became much worse. Headaches, anaemia, gross hormonal imbalances, and what felt like a broken nose… the works.

He would spend a total of thirteen days at home recuperating, during which he would receive a truckload of handouts – a chore to read at best.

Pretty soon it became standard for him to follow a very basic daily routine of getting up, eating, cramming to desperately catch up in his studies, and sleeping a lot.

"I wonder if Shiki's still mad at me," he sighed one day. "Well, of course she must be. I messaged my apology to her, but… she hasn't replied yet. Argh, I'm such an idiot! Maybe I'll try again later."

Out of the corner of his eye, Neku spotted a package lying on the table, and recognized it as the get-well gift from Eri. "Oh yeah, Eri gave me something too… Totally forgot about it. Wonder what it is."

He hefted it in both hands and found it to be quite lightweight. It bent slightly, making him guess that it was a book, and a paperback one at that. _Eri gave me a book, huh? Well, even a joker like her can have a thoughtful bone in herself, I guess._

That was what he thought as he ripped the brown wrapping away, but the moment the book was fully unveiled and he saw the title, his improved opinion of her disappeared.

The book in question was a copy of _How to Have Safe and Fun Sex: The Non-Embarrassing Guide_.

What was more, on the cover, amongst all the wild claims in teaching proper step-by-step techniques and… whatnot, was a sticky note written in her handwriting: "_Hi Neku, read this with Shiki when you fully recover. Just a little incentive to help you get better faster. Love, Eri ;D_"

His entire body shook from the outrage. He found himself grumbling aloud, "Eri… you witch… Wh-What makes you think…"

Still, she did give him a present, so the least he could do was browse through it and take a look. He carelessly flipped to a page at random and his eyes landed on a section of the book called "Costume Play". Right in the middle of it amongst the text was an illustration of a well-endowed young woman in a maid outfit, beckoning seductively to the reader.

It was the exact same type of outfit he had imagined Shiki in a few days earlier! And the funny thing was, the girl in the illustration looked uncannily like Shiki – complete with glasses – so it was almost as though he was looking at a picture of his demure bespectacled friend looking decidedly… less demure.

The illustration was well drawn and very tasteful. He felt his hormones acting up again, though this time, no one was around to fall victim to his blundering ways and for him to later fall victim to the victim, which would in turn make _him_ a victim too. Lucky for him.

The door opened and his mother poked her head in. "Neku, are you hungry?"

_Whoops, mum alert!_ He hurriedly closed the book so that she couldn't see the cover, which of course had the embarrassing title. "Huh? Oh, um, I… guess I'm just fine. Not really hungry. Why?"

Neku's mother dangled a plastic bag into the room. "That Misaki friend of yours left some food with us… She means for you to eat it."

His heart skipped a beat. "Where did she go? She dropped by, right?"

"I invited her to come have a sip of tea but she said there were some errands she had to see to, and she left. Seemed to be in a hurry too. Here are some more handouts, by the way."

Neku was disappointed that Shiki had popped by but didn't want to see him, but he knew that it was all understandable: she hadn't forgiven him yet. "Oh, okay."

When his mother left the room, he sighed at the pile of new notes he had just received, not amused by the prospect of more studying while he was still sick. But Shiki's homemade food seemed promising. With great drooling eagerness he unearthed his culinary bounty from inside the bag but was surprised to find a note stuck to the lunchbox.

_Dear Neku,_

_Here's a little something I made for you. And for goodness' sake, get better already._

_Maybe I delayed your recovery by whacking you in the face, and I'm sorry for that, but then hey, you started it first._

_I want to have lunch with you on the rooftop at school someday, just the two of us. Having to put up with the antics of Eri and Beat is fun, but it's also tiring. I was thinking it'd be nice to share some solitude with you for a change._

_So hurry up! Idiot!_

_Shiki_

Neku couldn't help but grin a little at her feisty way of talking. _Cute_, he thought. And most importantly, even though she was still mad at him, she still cared for him after all! Plus, she was inviting him to have lunch with just her, and this was definitely a step forward towards establishing a lovey-dovey relationship. He was ecstatic. He had been living for this day to come!

Invigorated and feeling a whole lot better, he lost no time chowing down on his lunch, which was a simple yet delicious assortment of onigiri, and he loved it. Shiki's cooking was always the best, and she made it _just for him!_ It was the best thing ever!

But he was so moved that he lapsed into a three-hour coma.

Well, they do say that love is a sickness.


End file.
